DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

You can download the podcast here.

Now, the good ol’ USA will be a more pleasant place to live for a Sovok accustomed to the heavy hand of the state. Unfortunately, we, Sovoks, know too well how it all ends.

DJ VadimJ

Support our site by buying a T-shirt from "Sovok of the Week" store. Every sale helps us run this site!

You can download the podcast here.

DJ VadimJ

As we are about to finish this awful year, we thought a nice surprise would brighten up your otherwise dreary existence. 

So, without further ado, please to listen to the newest podcast from “Sovok of the Week”!

You can download the file here.

DJ VadimJ

Zhirinovskiy recommended “saving reasonably” and said that this would result in reduced spending. He made several suggestions: “There is no need to buy new clothes. They can be swapped with others. I am prepared to give a couple of suits to someone, several pairs of shoes, a wristwatch. Why go shopping? Turn to each other to get what you would otherwise have to get from a shop.”

Zhirinovskiy also said there was no need to spend money on personal hygiene products because “all these are chemical and hazardous”. Fewer newspapers should be bought because the same newspaper can be shared “by all next-door neighbours” or perhaps “the entire block”, he continued.

“As for Christmas celebrations, there is no need to travel abroad or to go to a restaurant. Stay in Moscow, stay at home or invite yourself over to someone else’s place,” Zhirinovskiy added.

Truly wise words from a seasoned Sovok.

DJ VadimJ

“Generally, drivers order at one window and then pick up their orders at a second. The trick in this case is to place an order at the first window but then tell the cashier that you have forgotten your money at home and cancel the order. Then, the driver pulls up to the next window, waits for the car behind to place an order and takes the food.”

How are you, Sovoks, surviving the economic crisis? Share with us in the comments!

DJ VadimJ

As an experienced ex-USSR citizen, let me try to guess what’s going to happen next. So, the government will be owning millions of mortgages-the next logical step is to introduce “propiska” (registration), so that the debtors would not run away from their financial obligations to the government. Also, there should be some sort of control over what the rescued citizens can buy-after all, it is already established that many of them are reckless spenders that are able to yoke themselves with expenditures they can’t pay. So, let’s establish a queue for cars and ration alcoholic beverages and luxury items.

Next, for the convenience of the government, let’s move all the debtors into high-rise buildings; after all, since they don’t really own their residences and they owe a lot of money to the government, they should be moved into bleak, government-constructed buildings with tiny balconies and smelly elevators. This would drastically facilitate the collection of the debt and insure that the socialized citizens don’t move around or overspend by purchasing large-screen TVs.

In for a penny, in for a pound, as I was taught at my English Department. Let’s call a spade a spade. The Great October American Socialist Revolution is here-and the country is not the same anymore. The only thing that is left is just to rename it-the United Socialist States of America. Hooray to the USSA!

DJ VadimJ

I have an analogy that I would like to share with you. An undecided voter is just like a woman on match.com who winks at you and then does not answer your email because she hasn’t paid for her membership. You always have to pay-if you want to play, $29.99 it is! If you want to be a part of the democratic process, you have to commit. Apparently, this is news to a number of Americans.

Same thing with mortgages. If you take on more than you can pay for, you have to carry the burden without expecting the government to rescue you. Gosh darn it, as Palin would say it, is the US becoming the good old USSR?

Rant over.

DJ VadimJ

SOTW is back from a whirlwind vacation in Eastern Europe. It is a fun place to visit and to be from, but I would recommend having second thoughts about staying for good in Montenegro. Sadly, it is largely because of the large number of Sovoks roaming and driving the streets of Budva and Kotor. 

Franch Fries

Speaking of driving in Montenegro. You would think that a makeshift memorial every 200 yards along almost every road there would make someone stop and think whether this has anything to do with insane drivers in that Slavic country. Apparently not.

For your enjoyment I am posting a menu from a cafe in Budva, Montenegro-looking for misspelled English words is a hobby of mine.

Now, in other news … While I was vacationing, I got evicted from my hole of an apartment in Ypsilanti, Michigan and upon my arrival I decided that I’d had enough. Enough of Michigan and its people, its awful winters, “the Upper Peninsula”-what a joke, the Mackinac Island … So, I loaded my trusty Yugo and moved to the East Coast, to Baltimore where I will be exploring rich roots of the Russian community there.

Finally, one more treat. Here is a common problem-a couple of jokers park their cars leaving too little space for any car to park in between.

What does a normal person do? She would go look for another spot. Not a Sovok, though. Pictured here is an inventive way to park one’s vehicle in such a situation. Only in Montenegro!

Good to be back!

DJ VadimJ

Life has been hard around here and I deserve a vacation. So, what does a Sovok do in times of financial troubles? Go on a European vacation, of course!

And … what’s a better place to think about the injustice of life, the cruelty of women, and the coldness of the West than sunny Dubrovnik, Croatia?

See you in the Fall!

DJ VadimJ

Oops!

DJ VadimJ

Enema (клизма) gets some golden treatment in Russia. Go figure!

DJ VadimJ

“When I have seen yours profile I didnt have words. I thought that there is not such man in the world. Now I sit and think about that to write you. I dont know what to tell. If you wish to see my photos, then I can send it to you. I would like to learn you better because you have liked me. If you have some questions then you can write to me on “XXXX” at “yahoo” dot c o m. I with pleasure will answer you. To my mind you receive a lot of letters from girls like me, but I ask you to pay attention to my letter and I hope that tomorrow I shall receive your message. If I am not interesting to you that tell it to me. I will be upset, but I shall not write you more and I hope that you will find happiness.

Will you write me? Really?

I wait ……

Dreaming about such as U.”

Any wide-eyed Westerner would become immediately giddy after receiving such a message but not me. As a shrewd Sovok, I immediately smelled something rotten. First of all, this lovebird claimed to be from North Dakota and her profile stated “I love the clean air, beautiful landscapes, and the down to earth people but the rainy winters are pretty brutal.” Wait a minute. North Dakota has rainy winters? Tell me more! After a quick search on Google, I found out that this sentence was lifted, as was expected, from some other lonesome person’s profile in Kentucky. Besides, the grammar of the letter left no doubt that I was dealing with some Slav trying to dupe some naive Westerner into helping out with some “medical expenses for a sickly grandma” or some other similar nonsense. In fact, chances are that the email was written by some mustachioed man from Kazan by the name Igor (see picture on the right).

I was planning on developing this romance into a full-blown story for “Sovok of the Week”, but I made a huge and unforgivable mistake. After making some small talk in my reply, I signed it with my real name. Now, imagine Igor receiving a reply from a guy with a Russian name. The jig was up and he simply could not win against another Slav.

I think I was right. I never heard from the spell-bound beauty again.

So, here we go. The West screws the East. The East tries to screw the West. The East realizes that it can’t screw its own. History of the last 1000 years in a nutshell.

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

Support our site by buying a T-shirt from "Sovok of the Week" store. Every sale helps us run this site!

And DJ VadimJ was pedaling among those hipsters, muttering some obscenities in Russian, especially when it was time to climb some really steep San Diego hills on a rusty bike. What is the world coming to? Maybe I am finally getting it what it means to be an American-to be free, unhindered by tradition, and sporty. Or not.

DJ VadimJ

Yes, it really is true-”Sovok of the Week” is five years old! Let’s open champagne and bust out caviar! If you somehow found this message, why not write a word or two in the comments, just for the hell of it?

DJ VadimJ

Little do the self-righteous opulent Ann Arborites realize that in doing so they resurrect a good old Soviet habit of going to a store with your own bag (pictured to the right) in hopes that perhaps (in Russian, “avos’”; “avos’ka” is also referred to in the Western media as a “perhaps-bag”) the authorities would dispense some rarely available goods like Romanian shoes or butter.

Bravo, Ann Arbor! Way to soften the heart of a disenfranchised nostalgic Sovok !

DJ VadimJ

Not to make little of the tragedy, but the name of the slain woman is rather unfortunate to a Russian ear …

DJ VadimJ

Residents in the neighbouring village of Ust-Kan said rocket pieces regularly rain down on their area. Parts of the surrounding countryside are designated special zones where people may not go during the launches.

“Sometimes its smooth metal casings, sometimes its bolts. I remember something like an engine fell once,” said Anatoly Kazakov, an Ust-Kan resident

.

So, a “visually handicapped” peasant discovers an “enormous metal casing” in his backyard and demands compensation. I wonder if the casing has anything to do with the tractor missing in Boris’s kolkhoz …

DJ VadimJ

Ken Lee!!!!

DJ VadimJ

This is precious: “… the management of Yar Hotel arranged a contest to choose the sculpture which could perfectly express the atmosphere of the hotel.”

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

Good news for Sovoks everywhere! Now we can drag out our dusty tattered clothing from our closets and be at the cutting edge of fashion! Now, where is my old Karl Marx T-shirt?!

DJ VadimJ

“By the actions of some European member-states, every would-be ethnic or religious separatist across Europe and around the world has been provided with a tool kit on how to achieve recognition,” he said.

“Does anyone in this room think that the Kosovo Albanians are the only group in the world with a grievance against their capital?”

Just as SOTW predicted on February 18th (see below).

DJ VadimJ

You have to give it to the aging revolutionary-he still has suave manners and an enduring sense of style. Even at the sunset of his career, Fidel is sporting an oh so fitting and elegant Adidas tracksuit.

We learn from the best!

DJ VadimJ

< >

I somehow doubt that Serbia and Russia (and now China) will take this quietly. The US and the European Union, wallowing in condescending self-importance, can’t get enough of their own benevolence and good will toward the struggling Kosovars-watch Russia and Serbia talking about setting a dangerous precedent.

DJ VadimJ

“The park, which developers say could draw 1.3 million visitors a year to a site northwest of Murfreesboro, would feature Colonial Williamsburg-like re-enactments of ancient life, theaters for Broadway-sized biblical musicals and a Disney-like “Bible Fly-Through Ride,” using an IMAX screen and seats suspended in mid-air to give visitors an overview of the Holy Lands.”

I, for one, would like to see a Soviet Park with the reenactments of May Day Parades, live queues to buy Romanian shoes, and Zhigulis and Zaporozhets’ zooming through pothole ridden streets. Yeah!

]]> http://www.sovokoftheweek.com/?feed=rss2&p=447 3 http://www.sovokoftheweek.com/?p=446 http://www.sovokoftheweek.com/?p=446#comments Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:01:08 +0000 Vadim http://www.sovokoftheweek.com/2008/02/05/bbq-russian-style/

These are sad and gloomy days at “Sovok of the Week.” First of all, our funds are gone thanks to the crashing US stock market; our one remaining share of GAZPROM will not make much difference at this point. Secondly, I personally am dismayed by the recent resurgence of Barak Obama, a demagogue who sounds like a Komsomol leader from 1984. His “Yes We Can” campaign smacks of some Soviet railroad-building hysteria where “hope” would propel us to the new heights of achievements, unity, solidarity, and understanding. As my hero Bill Clinton said, “Give me a break.” Also, please tell me, how can a son of a Kenyan immigrant identify himself as a true representative of the African American community? I would think that someone with much deeper roots in the community would qualify to represent himself/herself as such much better (I, for one, have always said that we need Wanda Sykes as President).

Yes, you guessed-on the eve of Super Tuesday the feeble “Sovok of the Week” proudly endorses Hillary for President! Our reasons? We want the 90s back. We want Bill Clinton, Chumbawamba, Spice Girls, the Fugees, the Verve, and the Foo Fighters. We want to see Gap khaki commercials and Netscape Navigator back. We want to go back to the simple days when we used Windows 95 and played Tetris all day long.

Who am I kidding? Those days are gone.

Now, what is a sad Sovok to do? Of course, look on Youtube for dear-to-his heart hits of the yesteryear. Two of my most beloved findings I share with you, dear readers.

The first gem is by a little-known group from Sweden called “Secret Service.” Sadly, I used to study English by listening to their songs. This particular masterpiece presents us the past in all of its glory, the past when we actually (gasp!) wrote letters to each other. Now, we even break up by sending text messages. The second song is, of course, from Alla Pugacheva in all her Soviet-era extravagance. She has it all-big hair, enticing movements of a well-nurtured torso, and gapped teeth. Yet, I can’t get enough of a story in which an artist sells all of his earthly possessions to buy his love (unrequited, of course) a million of red roses. Brava, Alla, brava!

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

Do yourself a favor-get a Mac and see the light.

DJ VadimJ

Now, Medvedev was quick to return the favor to his benefactor by promising to appoint Putin as Prime Minister in his Cabinet. Now, this begs the question-how will Obama repay the matriarch of day-time TV? Will he remain just another product endorsement by Oprah if he becomes President (big IF, if you ask me)? Or will he actually reward her with something tangible, just like Medvedev would do to Putin?

“Sovok of the Week” would like to propose that the balance of power in the world could be restored if Obama appointed Oprah as his Vice President! After all, we already have a precedent when the Vice President is de facto ruling the country …

This way, two major players in world politics would be headed by token presidents expertly manipulated and controled by powerful shadow figures.

Oprah for Vice President!!

DJ VadimJ

Disgusting, simply disgusting.

Again, we lost the Cold War to these people?!

DJ VadimJ

And this is news to any Russian babushka how? They have been doing this for hundreds of years but in America, it takes a crack team of scientists to come to the same conclusion. Soon, look out for some research that would determine the usefulness of mustard plaster and “banki.”

DJ VadimJ

Sovok of the Week Store!

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

Treat yourself or your loved ones with this thoughtful and useful gift that will keep on giving for years. Especially if you have reasons to believe that your caviar sandwich might contain something more than bread, caviar, and butter thanks to your big mouth.

DJ VadimJ

In fact, I think this new accordion-loving craze might be the ticket from my abject poverty and lack of success in the land of plenty. All I need to do is bust out my trusty баян “bayan,” record myself playing Den Pobedy in my dark apartment, and then post the result online. A thoughtful tribute to the Revolution Day-check!, fame and glory-check!

Good plan! Now where is my old dusty bayan?

DJ VadimJ

I believe that America is behind this matter,” said fisherman Hatim Karim.”

Just in time for Halloween, we have fished this story out for you. Enjoy!

DJ VadimJ

One is no Sovok if he/she does not like Jean-Claude Van Damme. It is one of the most fundamental truths of Sovokism. Period.

DJ VadimJ

Now, as far as I concerned, I would like to see the good old hammer and sickle adoring the Google logo on, say, November 7. Or a small Soviet flag on May 9. Or a bouquet on March 8. Or a “Katyusha” on February 23.

Nah, will never happen. I am sure Sergei Brin, while taking baths of Champagne and sleeping on a caviar mattress does not remember his roots and history. Or does he?

DJ VadimJ

Oh, to get four tons of mushrooms! Every Russian man’s dream!!

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

Financial analysts might be running around praising Google but I am pretty much disgusted by it. Why? Do I really mind the simplicity of Web searches and fast-loading results? Am I unappreciative of all the fun that Google Maps are bringing? No, not at all. What I strongly dislike about Google is its people.

Yes, you heard me. From Sergei Brin, the nouveau riche nerd who is fond of providing free lunches for his minions, to the code-warriors whose paths I have crossed quite a number of times in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Since Google opened shop here, Ann Arbor has not been the same. Its bars and coffee-shops are overflowing with hipster-looking, iPhone-toting, self-righteous in their conscientious environmentalism and organic-food consumption youngsters, who, while barely out of college, are commanding salaries that will put to shame seasoned workers. What do they do with all their wealth? Spend it on gadgets and Bohemian parties, of course! Running around with their Macbook Pros, chatting idly on their iPhones, checking their Blackberries every five minutes, sipping on fruity drinks, grilling vegan burgers in the backyard, while munching on Fair Trade, All Organic, Cruelty-Free, and Respectful corn chips from Whole Foods.

What Googlers bring to Ann Arbor is the entirely unnecessary excitement of Californian undergrads that should have stayed on the West Coast. I much prefer the gloomy world of underpaid graduate students who are subsisting on a diet of food and drinks specials and who do not believe that technology is the savior of post-modernity.

OK, I am done.

Rant is over.

DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

This is precious:

“Russian billiards is 300 year old. Peter I , Ekaterina II, Pushkin, Gogol, Shalyapin, Budennyi, Zhukov, Chkalov and Gagarin are famous people united by lust to billiards. Nowadays the billiard is a kind of sport pretended to be the Olympic one.

The representatives of 15 regions arrived to Samara where there will be held the elimination competitions to the World Championship.”

DJ VadimJ

Thanks to Wendie for submitting this.

I suspect the West is elated to see that the Russians have finally seen the light of day and adopted another element of its culture! Maybe the americanization of the former expanse of the USSR has been the goal all this time …

DJ VadimJ

Good question!

So, what is Cyprus, then. A Dacha?

DJ VadimJ

Favorite quote: “Britain is the land of the Chav. Its Chavland, Chavistan, Chavskaya Federatsiya, the United Chavdom. A land of cultureless, junkfood-eating, malnourished, pasty white trash scum that can barely speak, let alone read, and forms the basis of one of the most odious cultures in the world – modern Britain. The chav is the king of the Binge Britain jungle.”

DJ VadimJ

This is precious: “I used to date blondes,” he said, but he now favors darker-haired women with blue or green eyes, who are taller than him, have undemanding personalities, arent competitive and want children.”

So, let me get this traight. This slob wants someone who would accept his sorry ass as he is, but she needs to be a Playboy bunny. What a pitiful specimen that he is! In fact, I hereby declare ANYONE who has ever married a mail-order bride from the Eastern European block the Official Sovok of the Week.

Dj VadimJ

Thanks to Wendie for forwarding this story.

Liberals in America (and I proudly count myself as one of them) are bending over backwards praising Christopher Hitchens’ new book “God is not Great.” In it, he states that religion is “”violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism, tribalism, and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children.” OK, whatever.

What makes me tingle about Mr. Hitchens is his unapologetic hatred of all things Russian. Need proof? Here is a nice little link. If you follow it, you will find such pearls as:

“Out of a thesaurus of possible nominations, one would have to select George Bush’s remarks about Vladimir Putin as the stupidest utterance of his entire presidency. Impressed beyond words by the fact that Putin was wearing a crucifix that had belonged to his mother and was thus a man of faith, our chief executive then burbled like a schoolgirl and said that he had looked into the man’s eyes and knew he was the one to trust. (I have not checked, but surely someone can discover how many times Putin has worn that crucifix since. It could be a sort of emblem of the fatuity of the “faith-based”).”

“Anna Politkovskaya’s wonderful recent book, Putin’s Russia, shows how in large swaths of the former USSR there has emerged a kind of “worst of both worlds” system, combing Mafia capitalism with KGB methods of government and policing.”

I can’t shake off the feeling that Mr. Hitchens is actually quite unfamiliar with the subjects he writes on. Come on! What can a raging atheist know about religion? What can a rabid russophobe contribute to a sober political debate without regurgitating slogans that he has picked up elsewhere? He himself acts, in a sense, as a Communist agitator encouraging everyone to spend their Saturday by cleaning streets during a Subbotnik! We at “Sovok of the Week” call horse-shit. AND we nominate him the newest “Sovok of the Week.” Hitchens, enjoy!

Now that I am thinking about it, Mr. Hitchens has reached his goal by agitating me. Ass!

DJ VadimJ

Oh, how I wish I could “manipulate” one of those seven huge wooden spoons “to stir well the boiling ingredients”!

Dj VadimJ

No commentary is needed, I believe.

DJ VadimJ

My favorite quote is about Russian superstitions: “Do not present a person with an even amount of flowers – yes, odd; do not present any sort of cutlery or handkerchiefs as gifts; do not shake hands with a person through a doorframe; do not whistle indoors; do not make toasts to babies that are not yet born; do not place an empty bottle on the table top; do not celebrate anniversaries early; do not celebrate your 40th birthday.”

Hmmm … Haven’t I seen this anywhere? Let me think … Does this story ring a bell?

DJ VadimJ

I wonder what these will be used for … Well, I have already suggested the support of democracy against the crazies and pro-Westerners. But … what do you think?

DJ VadimJ

Things don’t change too fast even in the “West-bound” and insanely overpriced Moscow. Once Sovok is always a Sovok, no matter how shiny it is!

-DJ VadimJ

Recently, I had a chance to travel to the north of Michigan and I encountered is what one might call a special breed of a hipster-a “Michigan hipster” (not pictured on the right). What are some characteristic features of such a creature, you might ask?

Well, to begin with, a Michigan hipster lacks one of the most essential attributes of hipsterhood-thinness. A Michigan hipster is well-fed and sports thick pasty thighs that he has managed to squeeze into unfortunately tight bright red shorts picked up, undoubtedly, as a local Salvation Army store. To him, they are the much-sought “vintage clothes.” A Michigan hipster also tries hard, donning an ironic T-shirt from Urban Outfitters, fake Chuck Taylors, 6.99 sunglasses from Rite Aid, a non-iPod (!) media player with a black (!) headphone cord, and, of course, a Fidel hat. The whole presentation reeked of desperation and fakery. Yet, unfazed, our specimen of lameness was strutting proudly through a street of a northern Michigan town beaming with coolness. I could almost hear his Coldplay tunes blasting out of his black earbuds. How cool!!

I can only imagine what social causes a Michigan hipster would advocate? Any guesses?

DJ VadimJ

My favorite quote:

“Everyone who has a baby in an Ulyanovsk hospital on Russia Day gets some kind of prize. But the grand prize winners are couples judged to be the fittest parents by a committee that deliberates for two weeks over the selection.”

DJ VadimJ

Link!

Read it all here: Bulgaria: Bulgaria’s Gay Idol Becomes Father

DJ VadimJ

IOL: Russia ‘amazed’ by Western mockery

DJ VadimJ

You probably have figured out that in no way I would be able to do such a fantastic job of moving it to a new platform had it not been for some outside help. In the best traditions of “Sovok of the Week,” cosmopolitan as we are, we hired a Romanian programmer Misha (Mihai) to do this work for us.

What do you all think? Hopefully, we can also check our membership roll. Old-timers, where are you?

-DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

"Sovok of the Week, also linked in the post below, is a site I’ve stumbled across a few times, always meaning to read more… I just took the opportunity to read more, and almost peed myself laughing. Self-deprecating humor is usually quite funny, but I find Russian emigrant self-deprecating humor to be just about the funniest thing there is, especially when written in impeccable English with a distinct Russian flavor. "

Thank you, Megan! We like you now!

-DJ VadimJ

See you back in September!

-DJ VadimJ

May 2003

Three befuddled Sovoks, André, Boris, and Vadim, open "Sovok of the Week." Boris drags in his Aunt Klava and Uncle Igor to help with the site. The public is amused, and a series of articles appears in "The Moscow Times," pravda.ru, and even in the "Ann Arbor Observer." The much hoped for cash downpour does not happen, however.

September 2003

In a strange twist of fate, André is fired for sending a "non-sufficient funds" check to cover some SOTW expenses. Boris, Vadim, Klava, and Igor continue contributing to the site. The answering service run by Aunt Klava (now defunct) is a minor hit amongst the lonely and disenfranchised.

July 2005

"Sovok of the Week" starts producing its own podcasts that have changed the world. They are still available on iTunes.

December 2005

Seduced by rumors of the imminent sale of Alaska back to Russia, Aunt Klava and Uncle Igor move there in hopes of cashing in on the "tapochki" (slippers) boom. They have been there ever since.

July 2006

Vadim and Co. produce "Vadim goes to the Art Fair" that is still broadcast on the public-access TV channel in Ann Arbor.

January 2007

After a brief power struggle, Boris is ousted as a possible impostor although some recent findings reveal that the decision might have been erroneous. His impeccable English, which has been suspicious from the get go, is easily explained by the discovered stacks of Eckersley’s "Essential English" textbooks.

Hopefully, the history of "Sovok of the Week" is now clearer, dear readers. So, as you can see (and here go keywords), our site is NOT dedicated to busty teen beauties, young Russian brides, Viagra and Cialis, porn, Paris Hilton, Hilary Clinton, George Bush, or the Iraq war. It is, for now, a one man’s diary of his survival in the land of plenty.

-DJ VadimJ

“A hen party literally brought the house down in Serbia after climbing on roof support pillars to get a better look at a male stripper.

The group that included female bank directors, lawyers, and even a local MP were among 200 women who piled into the club in Novi Sad, northern Serbia.

No one was hurt when the roof collapsed and spokesman for the club, Nenad Savic, said: “We thought they would all go home then, but they demanded the show go on to the end.”

Link

André merrily moved along and I hear from him every once in a while. In his latest IM, he sent me two Youtube videos that he found (and I quote) “HILARIOUS!!!” I really don’t think I need to provide any further commentary on cinematic predilections of out dear Sovok André. Just enjoy his offerings and try to see them through his eyes.

On a related note, next week I am planning to provide a brief history of “Sovok of the Week” with some juicy and revealing details of lies, sex, and money!! Stay tuned!

-DJ VadimJ

Any gopniks out there reading this site?

-DJ VadimJ

-DJ VadimJ

PS If the video doesn’t work, just click “share” and you will be taken to the page where you can see it.

Here is a direct link to the video: Shameful

DJ VadimJ

What are some things that make the Russians and the British like each other so much?

Here is a short list that I compiled after observing the British in their natural habitat.

Top Ten Things Why Britain is Like Russia

10. The British look frighteningly similar to the Slavs-same swollen red faces in the morning, same bad haircuts, and same BO.

9. The linguistic infatuation with "flats" and "lorries" rather than "apartments" and "trucks."

8. The strong inclination to resort to the good old fist-fighting after a night of heavy drinking.

7. The prevalence of the soccer culture. In fact, many a British men look like soccer-players in their everyday lives. Just like many Russian men do.

6. The same bad food dominated by large chunks of bland meats and potatoes.

5. Large stuffy department stores the likes of which I have not seen since the times of Brezhnev.

4. The love of drinking. Need I say more?

3. The same obsession with moda (fashion) and fashionable brands. Adidas seems to be the perennial favorite both in Lipetsk and Liverpool.

2. The commitment to tea-drinking, especially if tea is imported from India.

And (drum-roll, please) the Number One Reason why Britain reminds me of Russia is …

1. The love of tracksuit tops!! Of course, the Russians might go one step further and don the whole suit, but still. What’s up with the tracksuit tops, gentlemen?

-DJ VadimJ

Now, I may be mistaken but doesn’t her act remind you of T.A.T.U.?

Same toying with cross-dressing, girl-hugging, and boyish hair. Same old crap. And it appears that the Westerners who run Eurovision can’t get over the new cuteness of Eastern Europe finally “getting it” that tolerance is cool.

If this is the New Europe, I’ll stay in the good ol’ USA, which got a lot better this week now that Rev. Falwell is gone. Praise the Lord!

-DJ VadimJ

"Caught in a terrible custody war, this 12-year-old boy from Washington state has become a cause célèbre for a diverse group of activists. Here are the facts, in brief: Misha lives with his father, who has sole custody and who recently converted to Judaism. The father wants Misha to convert as well, and so he wants Misha circumcised. The boy’s mother, who is Russian Orthodox, is against it. Doctors Opposing Circumcision, an activist group, started circulating Misha’s story online, asking for donations for Misha’s defense. A lower court affirmed the father’s right to circumcise his son but has allowed the mother to exhaust her legal options before he does so; now the mother hopes that her case will be taken up by the Oregon Supreme Court. The boy’s own desires remain unclear."

Now, I think it goes without saying where I, and almost the entire rest of the world (except for the US, Israel, and South Korea), stand–the procedure is unnecessary, outdated, and cruel. In fact, I would say that the story makes my skin crawl. What’s baffling me is that Newsweek is "unclear" about poor Misha’s desires. Puh-lease! I have a hard time thinking that a 12-year old would consent to being subjected to a cruel operation on his penis for the sake of his dear Dad’s religious conversion.

You can support Misha’s case (which is hanging by the skin of his teeth) here.

-DJ VadimJ

I am still stuck in Liverpool, England, where I am trying to collect the monies that are due to me. I am doing fine, thank you, staying at a youth hostel and cooking all of my meals with the use of an iron-it makes a great hot plate. England is very expensive for a Sovok like me; luckily, I brought a bunch of canned goods which should last me at least a few weeks. While here, I made a few short trips and discoveries that I would like to share with you.

First of all, it appears that the British have not gotten over the devotion to the "People’s Princess" as this exquisitely decorated plate proudly showcased in a shop demonstrates. Unfortunately, it proved to be on the expensive side and I could not afford it.

Also, I made a short cultural trip to Canterbury, where I stumbled upon this plaque (right). I simply could not help taking a photo of the "Beaney Institute", in sweet memory of Boris. Yeah, he was fake and all that, but his devotion to the world and the art of beanie babies was enviable.

I was also amused by the fact that you can purchase an alcohol-flavored condom in England. It does give a new life to the expression "whisky dick" …

And last, but not least, is a very pleasant surprise! It appears that fashionistas in England are quite fond of a brand called … "Soviet"! You can imagine how my heart fluttered when I beheld the fashionable Soviet goods. Again, due to the ungodly exchange rate, I could not afford anything "Soviet." Oh, the cruelty and irony of life!

Till next time!

Cheers,

DJ VadimJ

By what means, you ask? Well, here are a couple of his music videos:

As you can tell, Azis is not shy to flaunt his talent, even if he has to wear women’s clothing. Actually, it seems to me that cross-dressing has become the ultimate socialism-leaving and capitalism-entering rite of passage for numerous countries of the former Soviet block.

Take another cross-dressing phenomenon, Verka Serdyuchka ("Vera the Angry Woman"), who is selling out stadiums in Ukraine and Russia:

And what about Boris Moiseev?

And, of course, last but not least is Leonid the Magnificent, a wild card on the American show "America’s Got Talent" and a native of Odessa, Ukraine:

I dare to propose that the acceptance and the embracing of sexually ambiguous and openly flamboyant pop stars by the bigoted and gay-bashing music lovers in the former countries of the Warsaw Pact is a way for them to signal their readiness to enter the civilized world. This world, other attributes of which are Coca-Cola, Marlboro, BMWs, vacations in Turkey and Egypt, and latest Nokia cell-phones, would be incomplete without the tolerance of the other, the strange, the queer. This is the reason, I argue, for the popularity of Azis.

Or am I deeply mistaken and it is, after all, all about music and singing?

-DJ VadimJ

"One of the images most associated with Yeltsin is that of him sitting on a tank during the raucous street rallies that marked the coup attempt.

"I think that is the image that he would like people to have forever," former Yeltsin adviser Alexander Nekrassov told CNN Monday."

Let me go out on a limb here and propose that most of my countrymen will remember the dancing and drunk Yeltsin, rather than Yeltsin the democrat. And just to make my point clear, here are a couple of noteworthy videos …

Rest in peace, Boris. You definitely need and deserve it.

-DJ VadimJ

Uh? You didn’t get it? OK, DJ VadimJ is from Kostroma … Kostroma is close to another city … Which is not in Kazakhstan … Ideas? I *might* send a prize to the first one who gets the answer in the comments.

-DJ VadimJ

DJ VadimJ

From: infouk@bellsouth.net
Subject: you are a certified winner
Date: April 1, 2007 12:32:40 PM GMT-04:00
To: uklottery@uklotto.net

UK NATIONAL LOTTERY HEADQUARTERS:
P O Box 1010 Liverpool, L70 1NL UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer Services)
BONUS LOTTERY PROMOTION PRIZE AWARDS WINNING NOTIFICATION
Dear Lucky Winner,

We are please to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual
final draws of UNITED KINGDOM NATIONAL LOTTERY international Lottery
programs. The online cyber lotto draws was conducted from an exclusive
list of 21,000 e-mail addresses of individual and corporate bodies picked
by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet, no
tickets were sold. After this automated computer ballot, your e-mail
address emerged as one of two winners in the category "A" with
the
following winning information:
REF No: UKNL-L/200-26937
BATCH No: 2007MJL-01
TICKET No: 20511465463-7644
SERIAL No: S/N-00168
LUCKY No: 887-13-865-37-10-83

You as well as the other winner are therefore to receive a cash prize
of 1,000,000.00 Pound each from the total payout. Your prize award has
been insured with your e-mail address and will be transferred to you
upon meeting our requirements, statutory obligations, verifications,
validations and satisfactory report. To begin the claims processing of your
prize winnings you are advised to contact our licensed and accredited
claims agent for category "A" winners with the information
below:
mrs.Larrisa soyinka
Email:claimagentlarrisa1@yahoo.co.uk

VERIFICATIONS FORM
FULL NAMES……………………………………………
CONTACT ADDRESS………………………………….
TEL/FAX NUMBERS…………………………………..
AGE………………………………………………………..
SEX…………………………………………………………
OCCUPATION………………………………………….
NEXT OF KIN…………………………………………..
COUNTRY………………………………………………..
AMOUNT WON…………………………………………
WINNING EMAIL………………………………………
REFERENCE NUMBER……………………………..
TICKET NUMBERS……………………………………
SERIAL NUMBERS…………………………………….

Sincerely,
Mrs.larrisa Soyinka

DJ VadimJ

From: loveanasta@rambler.ru
Subject: Hi my name Anostasya
Date: April 2, 2007 8:04:08 PM GMT-04:00
To: jospe@wmdata.com

Good Morning, my name Anastasiya!
I hope you against will not begin acquaintance? I saw your profile on Syl.com.
I think that you are a very interesting person. So I decided to use the chance
to get to know you. Hope I will be lucky I don’t think that the age and appearance
is so important though I am rather pretty. The most important what is inside
you and how do you feel about the life. I know this life from many sides
and I am rather mature already to know how to make a man happy. I don’t know
if you answer me or not. But why not to try? I will regret if not to try.
I think we should use every chance to find our happiness. Life is too short
to use it only for thinking and dreaming. I try to act but not only to dream.
So here I am It my personal address: loveanasta@rambler.ru I still hope for
your reply.
Have a good day!
Anastasiya
PS. I know English good, theafore I had occupations with tutor of English,
within several years.

Here is why I write you: I am requiring the helps of my dear readers. Boris is gone and leaving Misha in the big pickles. You see, Boris and Misha were doing business partners and were making from scratch Beanie Babys. We were never telling Vadim about this because he might maybe steal sales and monies for him self. He is greedy and Boris was telling that Vadim is a thief.

How we did it? Like this. Boris was supplying animals and Misha made the chewies for the stuffing. We had big business secret: we discover to make this filling from chewed bread. (No way! I never will tell what kind of bread! This is big business secret!). Misha was doing the chewing. Boris and Misha was stuffing Beanie interior with these chewies. This is secret we learn in movie about impoverish village.But in village, they are using chewies for toys, not subjects of collectibles. (the movie is called Four but not same as “The Fantastik Four”).

But now dear readers and saviors, Boris is fired from website, no thanks your help. My apartment is loaded by Boris and Misha Beanie Babies which starting to get stale and I cannot find buyers with the big cash. Boris was making me pay for all supplies. I put all my monies and spit and sweat in these babies, and now I have nothing else for paying rent or tobacco.

Please readers to help Misha this time. Vadim still is stealing from Misha, then it is Boris which steals also. Vadim receive huge Christmas gift of alcohol and pleasures. For Misha was nothing. Vadim is never sharing even his crumbs by the table.

Vadim was not even post bail for his employee Misha. Instead he was acting like the big saint and telling police everything about poor Misha , but one lie after the another! Vadim is not saint. He is telling lies and stealing from saints!

Who can I trust. Help God and readers to please get Misha some Money!

,MISHA

President for “Soundz by Misha” location pendingWe does Weddings, anniversary, Bar Mitzvah, Retire or any occasion where the hot Beats are the DEMAND!

It appears that the new Russian passports are equipped with barcodes to which the God-fearing citizens of Bogolyubovo (the name says it all) have strong objections. I wonder if their holy anger would be dissipated had the beloved Kashpirovsky, the self-proclaimed healer whose TV programs put millions of Russian in the hypnotic trance in the 80s and early 90s (pictured left), would bless the new passports.

A quote-worthy snippet says it all:

“We believe these new passports are sinful,” Valentina Yepifanova, an elderly resident of the village Bogolyubovo, told Rossiya television as she clutched an old, tattered passport she said she wanted to keep. “They have these bar codes and people say they contain three sixes. We are against that.”

The story can be found here.

On January 1 of this year, Bulgaria joined the ranks of the European Union, thus putting, conceivably, an end to the buffer-zone era between Slavism and full-blown Westernism. Now proud Bulgarians are fighters for freedom, justice, and consumer rights, as recent comments by European Union consumer chief Meglena Kuneva (from Bulgaria) demonstrate.

“Do you think it’s fine that a CD plays in all CD players but that an iTunes song only plays in an iPod? I don’t. Something has to change,” asked Miss Kuneva, lambasting Apple for not allowing iTunes songs to be played on other MP3 players.

I would not go as far as one blogger did, but I have a hard time believing in the sincerity of Miss Kuneva’s righteous anger. Actually, I have a feeling that her Zune is chock-full of illegally-obtained songs by Alla Pugacheva and Philip Kirkorov (a glorious son of Bulgaria, pictured left), and those play on any device.

Quite possibly, this sudden metamorphosis of our beloved resort-country is very symbolic, given the shake-up that “Sovok of the Week” went through at the beginning of this year, with the situation with Boris and all. Maybe, as they say, all good things must come to an end.

Well, if this is the case, all I can say is, “Farewell, sweet beaches of Bulgaria. We will long for good old thee.”

I guess, I will have to settle for my summer vacations for some place which has been consistent in its stances on justice and fairness. A place like Florida, for example.

DJ Vadim J

In a very Sovokish article published in a London newspaper entitled “Guide to Avoiding the Sack” advice (!) number six is dedicated to women. The advice is so spectacular that it bears being published here on the special day:

“The pregnancy scam.” Any woman claiming to be pregnant just before the crunch meeting will make any boss think twice about sacking her, since the potential legal action could cost them a packet. If you are single and not actually pregnant the names of various reputable sperm banks can be found on the web.”

So, here you go, ladies. Happy March 8! Good luck in your job-keeping adventures.

You can read the entire article here.

We apologize for the downtime we have had for the last 5 days or so. As usual, I forgot to pay for hosting, and, besides, that money is gone anyway. Miraculously, Misha came through. His contribution for some reason was covered in red paint (unwashable) but our provider still took the money. Thank you all for all your “support.”

Surely you have seen them, proud Table PC owners, sitting in hotel lobbies
attempting to figure out how to join a wireless network. Or in college auditoriums,
scribbling on their Tablet PCs, usually in a non-Latin based language. Or in
airports sipping their tiny "Turkish-style" coffee-drinks, peering into their
gigantic displays which they demonstratively rotate in everybody’s view. Do
you see where I am going with this? A Tablet PC is not worth its hefty price
unless one is seen using it in a public place! So are the
gallantries of a Sovok–for him opening a door for a woman, being kind and courageous,
and exhibiting magnanimity and generosity are empty, meaningless deeds unless someone sees him doing them.

As one of our loyal readers has noted, "Buying a tablet PC is like paying
$60 to upgrade to first class on a flight from Detroit to Pittsburgh when flying
Spirit Airlines, and then getting the featured Captain Morgan cocktail while
in flight." The reader continues, "It’s like shelling out thousands for a tacky,
heated above-ground pool that explodes when it freezes, but ephemerally impresses
the neighbors." And, finally, "Or coming from abroad to Manhattan and taking
hundreds of exciting pictures of yourself in front of a CD store in Times Square
and then spending a fortune at Target, but never going out of central Manhattan."

As you might have guessed, my denunciation is losing steam at a pretty good
pace here, as it was fueled primarily by the afore-mentioned quote which I
thought you just had to read. But in any case, Tablet PCs
are, indeed, stupid, and their owners are, most certainly, Sovoks.

-DJ VadimJ

From: soviet-russian@hotmail.com
Subject: A Question From A Russian.
Date: January 20, 2007 1:19:06 AM EST
To: radiosovok@sovokoftheweek.com

Hay if U.S. and Russia go to war and you got drafted to U.S. Army would you
lave and fight for the mother land or you’re adopted land? I would stay always
loyal to the mother land and I would not have the hart to fight my family knowing
I might kill my cousin, my uncle, or even my dad.

-Artem. A.K.A. Soviet-Russian

P.S.- E-Mail me you’re answer in case i miss it or I am at school.

P.P.S. From Russia With Love. Dasvidaneya!

Dear Artem,

All I can say is that I have a feeling that it will never come to this. You
see, I am probably too old to fight wars on any side. So is my Dad, AND my
Uncle. But … In an unlikely case that this does happen, I will do what many
Americans have done through the years–run into the warm enbrace of Canada.
From Ypsilanti where I currently reside it is only an hour drive.

Of course, at this point I need to provide a much-sought advice. Here it is,
dear Soviet-Russian: move into an area of the USA close to the border with
Canada. An added benefit is that you will find winters there more agreeable
with what you are most certainly used to.

Sincerely,

DJ VadimJ