Sovok of the Week

I travelled to San Diego last weekend and not knowing any better, I got duped into participating in a Critical Mass bike ride. The exuberance of bike riders, their complicated shoes, the sound of Manu Chao blasting from boombox speakers, and the unmistaken air of Obama support is hard to describe-you should’ve been there. The entire event reminded me of a misdirected and unduly exulted Komsomol rally in support of Leonard Peltier, only the riders were yelling some really unnecessarily crude slogans in support of bicycles and the greening of the planet, much to the chagrin of SUV drivers who watched them in disgust.

And DJ VadimJ was pedaling among those hipsters, muttering some obscenities in Russian, especially when it was time to climb some really steep San Diego hills on a rusty bike. What is the world coming to? Maybe I am finally getting it what it means to be an American-to be free, unhindered by tradition, and sporty. Or not.

DJ VadimJ

Dear reader(s),

Yes, it really is true-”Sovok of the Week” is five years old! Let’s open champagne and bust out caviar! If you somehow found this message, why not write a word or two in the comments, just for the hell of it?

DJ VadimJ

The other day, while in Ann Arbor, I stopped by an intimidating palace of food that goes by the name “Whole Foods.” As I pulled into a parking lot filled with gas-guzzling SUVs and flashy imported vehicles in my Festiva, I could not help noticing happy shoppers leaving the store carrying shopping-bags. Not plastic bags as you would expect the lowly shoppers of Kroger or Meijer would carry. Or no! The patrons of Whole Foods are much better than that. They proudly demonstrate their earth-friendliness by sporting snazzy shopping-bags with a gigantic logo of Whole Foods on them.

Little do the self-righteous opulent Ann Arborites realize that in doing so they resurrect a good old Soviet habit of going to a store with your own bag (pictured to the right) in hopes that perhaps (in Russian, “avos’”; “avos’ka” is also referred to in the Western media as a “perhaps-bag”) the authorities would dispense some rarely available goods like Romanian shoes or butter.

Bravo, Ann Arbor! Way to soften the heart of a disenfranchised nostalgic Sovok !

DJ VadimJ

BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Tayside and Central | Two charged over beach head death

Not to make little of the tragedy, but the name of the slain woman is rather unfortunate to a Russian ear …

DJ VadimJ

Russian farmer sues space agency for falling rocket - Yahoo News

Residents in the neighbouring village of Ust-Kan said rocket pieces regularly rain down on their area. Parts of the surrounding countryside are designated special zones where people may not go during the launches.

“Sometimes its smooth metal casings, sometimes its bolts. I remember something like an engine fell once,” said Anatoly Kazakov, an Ust-Kan resident

.

So, a “visually handicapped” peasant discovers an “enormous metal casing” in his backyard and demands compensation. I wonder if the casing has anything to do with the tractor missing in Boris’s kolkhoz …

DJ VadimJ

Here is a treat for all of my loyal readers! In case you haven’t noticed, the man with the lion’s mane is none other than Philip Kirkorov, an object of our frequent ridicule.

Ken Lee!!!!

DJ VadimJ

Muscular bronze stallion with weird human genitalia advertises provincial hotel

This is precious: “… the management of Yar Hotel arranged a contest to choose the sculpture which could perfectly express the atmosphere of the hotel.”

DJ VadimJ

Pregnant woman uses train toilet, baby slips out - Yahoo NewsAs Boris would call it, a Sovok baptism.

DJ VadimJ

The U.S.S.R. Is Back on Clothing Racks - New York Times

Good news for Sovoks everywhere! Now we can drag out our dusty tattered clothing from our closets and be at the cutting edge of fashion! Now, where is my old Karl Marx T-shirt?!

DJ VadimJ

BBC NEWS | Europe | Kosovo ‘tool kit for separatists’

“By the actions of some European member-states, every would-be ethnic or religious separatist across Europe and around the world has been provided with a tool kit on how to achieve recognition,” he said.

“Does anyone in this room think that the Kosovo Albanians are the only group in the world with a grievance against their capital?”

Just as SOTW predicted on February 18th (see below).

DJ VadimJ

BBC NEWS | Americas | US urges reform as Castro quits

You have to give it to the aging revolutionary-he still has suave manners and an enduring sense of style. Even at the sunset of his career, Fidel is sporting an oh so fitting and elegant Adidas tracksuit.

We learn from the best!

DJ VadimJ

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Kosovo pushes for global recognition - CNN.com

I somehow doubt that Serbia and Russia (and now China) will take this quietly. The US and the European Union, wallowing in condescending self-importance, can’t get enough of their own benevolence and good will toward the struggling Kosovars-watch Russia and Serbia talking about setting a dangerous precedent.

DJ VadimJ

Bible Park

“The park, which developers say could draw 1.3 million visitors a year to a site northwest of Murfreesboro, would feature Colonial Williamsburg-like re-enactments of ancient life, theaters for Broadway-sized biblical musicals and a Disney-like “Bible Fly-Through Ride,” using an IMAX screen and seats suspended in mid-air to give visitors an overview of the Holy Lands.”

I, for one, would like to see a Soviet Park with the reenactments of May Day Parades, live queues to buy Romanian shoes, and Zhigulis and Zaporozhets’ zooming through pothole ridden streets. Yeah!

A couple of readers have expressed their concern about my well-being and I am here to assure them that I am still alive and (barely) kicking. Let me explain.

These are sad and gloomy days at “Sovok of the Week.” First of all, our funds are gone thanks to the crashing US stock market; our one remaining share of GAZPROM will not make much difference at this point. Secondly, I personally am dismayed by the recent resurgence of Barak Obama, a demagogue who sounds like a Komsomol leader from 1984. His “Yes We Can” campaign smacks of some Soviet railroad-building hysteria where “hope” would propel us to the new heights of achievements, unity, solidarity, and understanding. As my hero Bill Clinton said, “Give me a break.” Also, please tell me, how can a son of a Kenyan immigrant identify himself as a true representative of the African American community? I would think that someone with much deeper roots in the community would qualify to represent himself/herself as such much better (I, for one, have always said that we need Wanda Sykes as President).

Yes, you guessed-on the eve of Super Tuesday the feeble “Sovok of the Week” proudly endorses Hillary for President! Our reasons? We want the 90s back. We want Bill Clinton, Chumbawamba, Spice Girls, the Fugees, the Verve, and the Foo Fighters. We want to see Gap khaki commercials and Netscape Navigator back. We want to go back to the simple days when we used Windows 95 and played Tetris all day long.

Who am I kidding? Those days are gone.

Now, what is a sad Sovok to do? Of course, look on Youtube for dear-to-his heart hits of the yesteryear. Two of my most beloved findings I share with you, dear readers.

The first gem is by a little-known group from Sweden called “Secret Service.” Sadly, I used to study English by listening to their songs. This particular masterpiece presents us the past in all of its glory, the past when we actually (gasp!) wrote letters to each other. Now, we even break up by sending text messages. The second song is, of course, from Alla Pugacheva in all her Soviet-era extravagance. She has it all-big hair, enticing movements of a well-nurtured torso, and gapped teeth. Yet, I can’t get enough of a story in which an artist sells all of his earthly possessions to buy his love (unrequited, of course) a million of red roses. Brava, Alla, brava!

DJ VadimJ

Happy Old New Year!

DJ VadimJ

The Associated Press: Man Nearly Dies Downing Vodka at Airport

DJ VadimJ

Soviet Microsoft: How Resistance to Free Markets and Open Ideas Will the Unravel the Software Superpower — RoughlyDrafted MagazineHere you go-there’s your answer. From one form of mind control to another-easily translatable experience. Just ask our former contributor André, an avid Windows user.

Do yourself a favor-get a Mac and see the light.

DJ VadimJ

In the course of last week, two prominent figures announced their support of two political candidates-Oprah of Obama in the US, and Putin of Medvedev in Russia.

Now, Medvedev was quick to return the favor to his benefactor by promising to appoint Putin as Prime Minister in his Cabinet. Now, this begs the question-how will Obama repay the matriarch of day-time TV? Will he remain just another product endorsement by Oprah if he becomes President (big IF, if you ask me)? Or will he actually reward her with something tangible, just like Medvedev would do to Putin?

“Sovok of the Week” would like to propose that the balance of power in the world could be restored if Obama appointed Oprah as his Vice President! After all, we already have a precedent when the Vice President is de facto ruling the country …

This way, two major players in world politics would be headed by token presidents expertly manipulated and controled by powerful shadow figures.

Oprah for Vice President!!

DJ VadimJ

YouTube - Europe is a country and everyone speaks french here

Disgusting, simply disgusting.

Again, we lost the Cold War to these people?!

DJ VadimJ